I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
