new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
