i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
