she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
