just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
