hotel room ftw
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
