Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
