he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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