I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
