So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
