if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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