Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
