apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
