i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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