my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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