You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
