I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
