I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
