doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
