It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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