What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
