you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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