my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
