he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
