does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
