My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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