No awkward lesbian experiences without me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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