4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Someone shit on the floor
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
