I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
