you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
