Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
