its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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