If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
