I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
