is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
