Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize