He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
