dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
