my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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