How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
