Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
