So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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