Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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