Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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