I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
