You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
