At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
