why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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