I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
