lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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