Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish I only lived at night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
