OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
