my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Farmville is her only friend.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
