So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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