You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
