Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
