P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
