the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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