i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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