rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
