Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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