I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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